Hello... Are you my mother?

So for those who dont know... I am adopted. I have been kind of looking off and on for years now. but today is the day i have decided that I am GOING to find her. I dont know much about her, I feel like she is out there looking for me. For the past week I have been writing letters to her like mad... I am trying to find the words that will put her at ease and let her know that I love her. I dont know what or how to start... I wish that it was easier. I know no one really reads this blog, but i need to get this out in the open. I have known that i was adopted since i was 6 years old. I cant tell you what it felt like to know that my mom and dad werent my real mom and dad.... I know that they are my Mom and Dad now... but being 6 it was a little hard to comprehend... at the age of 12 I looked up every Janet Talbot in the phone book... i asked my mom to help me.... I never called them because how strange to have a 12 year old calling and asking if she had misplaced a baby 12 years ago...(i know how stupid that sounds) Look at it from my point of view i have been missing this part of me for a beter part of 21 years... I love my mom and dad with all of my heart... but I love her too! I have always wondered if i have brothers or sisters(i mean biologically) I feel compelled to ask questions like... Is there Breast Cancer in our family? I want to know if she has freckles like me... If she has Blue or Brown eyes... I know she did what she thought was best but untill i hear it from her mouth I cant believe anything. Every Christmas i think about what I would be doing if she had kept me... I dont want anything other than a relationship of some kind with her... I at least want to meet once to say "hey i am ok, i wish you hadnt given me up....etc" I know that this is kind of a run on thought...sorry had to get it out. I would love to get some feed back as to how some of you would approach it...

2 years ago

Wow can you believe it? 2 years ago I got married to my best friend. I love my Darin with all of my heart. Darin got paid on our anniversary so it was nice. He took me to get my nails done, he said it was to make me feel as beautiful as I look in his eyes. I melted right there. After getting my nails done he took me to Zombie-land. That movie was so much fun! He offered to take me to the Thaifoon at the gateway I told him no and that we should just go to apple-bees so we went and got their 20 dollar deal. Anyway I cant believe it that these two years have flown by but not with out some downers. Yes we still live with his parents but we are working on that. But living with people that don't have my same views on life has strengthened my beliefs and my love for the people that raised the man I love. I know life is supposed to be somewhat hard. Who would of thunk that it would decide to kick my butt this early in life. I wouldn't change my life for anything... except in the money category.. i would die for 5000 dollars just to get the bills paid and so that me and darin could go on a vacation. I know that things are just going to get better... I just hope that it gets better sooner rather than later... I hope everyone has a nice day....

Wow.. long time

I know it has been forever since I have updated this lovely blog! there really hasn't been anything worth blogging about... i am here to tell you about the last 2 weeks they have been FUN! So my family reunion was this last week. Darin Got a week off of work. we left Thursday to get up to the camp a day early. We wanted to get set up and have some chill time just to ourselves. When we got up to the camp we found out that one of my relatives Steph was already up there but hey its all good. We got up there at about 3ish got our tent set up. We shortly found out that there had been some Black Bear sightings around the camp area that we were staying at. We sat and talked to Steph for a while then we helped get Stephs sister Kim set up... About an hour after that Kim said "hey y'all I am cooking, We are going up to the lodge it is my treat you gotta all come with me" so we all went the mile up the road to the lodge to eat dinner. Best food ever! by the time we all got back to camp we were pretty exhausted so we all crashed. Darin and I woke up early and made PB and J sandwiches and drank some juice. We waited till everyone got up and we sat and socialized till it was time to help some more of my family get set up. That was pretty much it till about 8pm then we all broke out the bar.. Yeah a Full on bar.. I have to say I took my first Tequila shot it was different... It didn't just rain on us It hailed snowed and just generally soaked everything but our blanket. Darin and I ended up sleeping in the car after about 5 hours of sleeping on the wet stuff... Saturday was the day of the big LUNCH/Dinner for my family. I got to see my sister for the first time in what feels like forever. We all sat down at the pavilion and ate like the family that we are. Sunday we all Left camp it was sad to say goodbye but i know i am going to see some of my family at Thanksgiving and if not then at the next family reunion... I don't think that we are going to let the rain get to our stuff this time.... Today/yesterday depending on when you read this Darin took me to the zoo.. Yeah the zoo I felt like a kid again. It has changed so much since i went years ago. We will be posting pictures if i can figure out how to do it... if not check out my Facebook or myspace page.... I promise I will try to keep up but I cant guarantee anything

San Fransisco.... and stuff!

I know it has been forever since I even looked on here! I guess I should tell you of the Randomness of my very own Mother! On Friday the 13Th of this month my mother asked for my help to pull of this weekend wonder called San Fransisco! I went in on this Friday to help my mom who is a college professor...yeah she is that good!...Any way she calls me over to the computer in her office and asks me how to book a hotel from this one website. I help her do this. Then she asks me to look up Six Flags Discovery Kingdom! I know... Then We had to look up flights the one we wanted we missed by 1 seat. We needed 7 seats and that one only had 6. So my mom got miffed and left so I found one for later that day. She really wanted the one that left early in the morning but... sadly we couldn't do it. So my mom closes her office door and asks me in a not so nice manner to stay quiet about this trip, that no one was supposed to know about it till tomorrow. She tells me to come packed and ready for the weekend. We leave the next day jam packed in this TINY airplane. We get to SFO and it is an absolute zoo! So I guess you could be asking who all went... well here it goes... Mom,Me(of course),Chad, Kaitlin, Shamrae, Xavier, and Zach. So when we finally get checked into the piece of crap hotel, see there was a mix up of names so we spent 30 minutes explaining to the Indian guy who we were after telling him 16 different names we finally found the one we needed. We get our stuff up the stairs to our rooms and my mom randomly decides to take us to Fisherman's Wharf. We get there park and We walk around looking for something to eat. We finally decide to go to Fisherman's Grotto... I had the most amazing fettachini Alfredo of my life! After the 126$ dinner we decide to walk around and see the stores I of course couldn't help but get stuff for my man who lovingly stayed home to work! We get back into the crammed mini van and have the scariest ride home ever. My mom doesn't do well in new cities. So she was yelling at us like we knew how to get around when none of us had ever been there. Sunday we hop in the van and drive for and hour to Vallejo. We get into the park and we immediatly go to Medusa a FUN ride. Then Shamrae(shamwow) Katie and zach go on all the rest of the rides while Mom, Chad, xavier and I go and see the sites thats right kiddo's I only rode 1 count 'em 1 ride the whole day. I was told I was too FAT to ride any more rides. I decided I was going to enjoy the day and see the finer side of this amusement park. I made a promise to myself that i would loose some weight before going back. Monday we came home. The plane took off at 6:10 so naturally we had to be there at 4... Not so good for me! There you have it my trip in a nutshell! It was a blast and a really random trip

I feel so special!

My Grandma Sanders... My moms mom, sent me my scrapbook that she has been keeping for 21 years on Tuesday. I absolutely Love it! It reminds me of the good and the Great! I also got a couple of cookbooks. She also sent me some beautiful jewelry. Of course my birthday isnt till tomorrow... But I feel loved! I will post more about my birthday later... Sorry for the short post...

Toes..... Go OWCHIE

This is ADDish you have been warned. So the day before yesterday i had a doctors appointment to have the guy look at my ingrown toe nails.... he said that they had to come out as soon as possible... but he was totally swamped for the rest of the day and that we would have to come back the next day.... here is the problem.... I live in sugar house my doctors office is on 12300 south and 2300 w... For me that is a long ways away...So anyway we come home get settled in and i start to panic.. asking my self what ifs and stuff like that... So i go to the doctors yesterday... My doctor was absolutely amazing... He got me laying down to get me comfy. So he told me everything as he was doing it which for me calmed me down. The best part (yes the best) was that my fantastic husband stayed right by my side held my hand through the pain. He just sat and asked me questions to help him with his art work. I paid more attention to answering his questions i didn't feel hardly any pain during the procedure... Now is a totally different thing... They are sore and achy. The pain medication haven't kicked in yet so I am blogging to keep my mind off of the pain. My husband is the most caring guy... he is really squeamish about blood and stuff but he has been keeping me bandaged... he always runs and get me things because walking is painful... He is so freaking amazing... I feel like i cant love him more then he just steps things up another notch and makes me love him more and more... I love him more and more everyday. I never felt so much love for one person than i have for him...His art work is getting better and better. He has a website www.shatteredrealms.deviantart.com He does some adult things....just FYI. I love you sweetie.... OH if anyone out there in blog land knows about any animator jobs send me an email or whatever Darin would like to get going on working on what he graduated in. Please i would be eternally grateful. You maybe wondering how me and Darin are going to pay for this... well here is the story(i think we are receiving some luck) the person doing the coding and billing for my Doctor left him high and dry in a really bad situation... in comes my amazing step dad... He said in exchange for him doing the coding and billing that my doctor Kirt Larson would just give his family medical services. How luck am I to have such amazing men in my life. As i look back i have been really judgmental of him and he goes and does this for me... I am so grateful you have no idea the happiness i am feeling right now. As of recently Darin and I have been slowly paying off the bills thank goodness. I guess this is just a blog about the special men in my life. As for me i am happy to have the bad toenails gone...I can wear close toe shoes again without worrying about it killing my toes via the nail. The pain meds are finally kicking in...So I am going to say goodnight/goodmorning to all Luvs Claresa as usual