Alora is 20 weeks old, life, and baby Marley

Holy cow! Who would have thunk? Alora has been teething for about a month full blown and still no sign of it pushing through. She has learned to roll over and is slowly working on crawling. She is doing amazing. She absolutely loves fireworks, its like watching her open a present, the amazement of all the flashes is so much fun! Life has been rough lately. Darin still hasn't found a job and we are suffering with that. It is so hard to rely on my parents to help me buy diapers and formula. It is killing me emotionally to ask when I know they are struggling financially too.

Saturday was a very empowering day for me. I helped my best friend Kat give birth to my "nephew" Marley. She is such a strong woman! Her baby shortly after birth was whisked to the NICU, due to meconium in his lungs. Later we found out that the meconium caused his lung to make a hole in its self. My heart broke in that moment for her. She has been super strong and she shows me how to be strong for our kids. I just wish that he wasnt as sick as he was when he was born. It was so hard to watch her deal with all the scary things happening to her son. But she of course took it all in stride and laughed and tried to make Marley comfy and let him know that we all love him and that he will get better.

I better go take care of my small one... Much love, Claresa and Alora

24 Weeks... and a move later

hey all...


Tuesday we went to the doctors for our 4 week check up. They did a follow up ultrasound to look at her lips to see if she had a cleft, which she doesn't. Then they looked at her tummy where the umbilical cord connects to see if her insides were well.... inside, and they were. Then they looked at her heart. They told me it was to make sure her heart was working the way it needed to. I am happy to say my little girl is pretty perfect. She is almost 2 pounds... It is insane! They also told me my due date is DEFINITELY the 26th of February. As for symptoms, I have a lot of growing pains happening... this is adding to the pain in my sciatic nerves. I am also feeling her move more and with a purpose I guess you could say... She has been kicking harder and harder every day. I love this because these moments are so brief but make me cry for hours. It means so much when she kicks me after complaining about my back to my husband, just like she is saying that it is all worth it in the end. I am looking forward to wrapping my arms around her and just staring into what I am guessing will be pretty brown eyes.


Also we moved in with my mom. It was for many reasons... for me a way to have help if and when I need it when the baby arrives. For Darin it was a way to get away from his dad. We have for the last 2 days been raking and bagging our new lawn. Thanks to some snow and wind it has been interesting. We are still not even close to being done but we are so frozen that we cant move or breathe much.

I thought that I would at least try to update those who read this... I don't know that I am all that interesting but I know that I want to look back and think about these silly little moments and smile about the fact that me and my growing little family are just that growing. We learn more about each other everyday.

Toes..... Go OWCHIE

This is ADDish you have been warned. So the day before yesterday i had a doctors appointment to have the guy look at my ingrown toe nails.... he said that they had to come out as soon as possible... but he was totally swamped for the rest of the day and that we would have to come back the next day.... here is the problem.... I live in sugar house my doctors office is on 12300 south and 2300 w... For me that is a long ways away...So anyway we come home get settled in and i start to panic.. asking my self what ifs and stuff like that... So i go to the doctors yesterday... My doctor was absolutely amazing... He got me laying down to get me comfy. So he told me everything as he was doing it which for me calmed me down. The best part (yes the best) was that my fantastic husband stayed right by my side held my hand through the pain. He just sat and asked me questions to help him with his art work. I paid more attention to answering his questions i didn't feel hardly any pain during the procedure... Now is a totally different thing... They are sore and achy. The pain medication haven't kicked in yet so I am blogging to keep my mind off of the pain. My husband is the most caring guy... he is really squeamish about blood and stuff but he has been keeping me bandaged... he always runs and get me things because walking is painful... He is so freaking amazing... I feel like i cant love him more then he just steps things up another notch and makes me love him more and more... I love him more and more everyday. I never felt so much love for one person than i have for him...His art work is getting better and better. He has a website www.shatteredrealms.deviantart.com He does some adult things....just FYI. I love you sweetie.... OH if anyone out there in blog land knows about any animator jobs send me an email or whatever Darin would like to get going on working on what he graduated in. Please i would be eternally grateful. You maybe wondering how me and Darin are going to pay for this... well here is the story(i think we are receiving some luck) the person doing the coding and billing for my Doctor left him high and dry in a really bad situation... in comes my amazing step dad... He said in exchange for him doing the coding and billing that my doctor Kirt Larson would just give his family medical services. How luck am I to have such amazing men in my life. As i look back i have been really judgmental of him and he goes and does this for me... I am so grateful you have no idea the happiness i am feeling right now. As of recently Darin and I have been slowly paying off the bills thank goodness. I guess this is just a blog about the special men in my life. As for me i am happy to have the bad toenails gone...I can wear close toe shoes again without worrying about it killing my toes via the nail. The pain meds are finally kicking in...So I am going to say goodnight/goodmorning to all Luvs Claresa as usual

just another day

As I sit here listening to my dear old Darin snore, I am contemplating life and what is going to hold for me. I just finished my class in Dialysis... I hope that as soon as the new year comes that there will be jobs. I am going to go to a dialysis center and watch the other Technicians do what I hope to be doing soon. I am just nervous about the needles. I don't want to hurt anyone but if it is going to help then I guess I have to learn right? Darin finally got his first check and we made a 450 dollar payment to the stupid collection agency... I just hope that will help us when we go to court... we only have 814 dollars to go.... For us it is a whole lot of money going into paying these guys off. I cant believe we let ourselves get this far into debt in our first year. I just don't know what to do. I want a baby so bad but i don't want to bring a baby into Darin's parents house. Darin's dad is completely emotionally abusive and I don't want my baby to ever be around that. I know I should give Bob the benefit of the doubt but I just cant. Not after the way he has treated me and my marriage. I do owe him a lot of money for helping us out. But at the time he said don't worry about it. Just take it, it is a gift... Now he is demanding like 5000 dollars out of us and he knows we don't have that kind of money. What should I do? I need a job but when someone you trust says just wait until the first of the year and your chances of jobs will be higher, you take that advice and bide your time right? I hope so because that is what I am going to do. There are no jobs right now for Dialysis Techs. I just hope jobs open up soon! I know I dont blog that much but I promise more... Life has just been so hectic that I just want to die... I dont even have friends that I can hang out with on a weekly or monthly basis. I am sad and lonely I know I have my husband but I need a girls night out or whatever... Girlfriends are needed! HELP ME PLEASE! For now, Claresa